You know the story that I’m talking about. It usually starts with “he always” or “she never.” Our brains are wired to notice the negative it seems. And we usually practice telling this negative story over and over. Then we build stories around the negative events and look for more evidence to prove what we believe. Yuck!
The good news is that we have smart thinking brains. Ah haaaa. When we want to, we can make a conscious effort to change or re-write our stories. During the time of grieving is a great
time to do this. We are already in a place of change, trying to make sense of our new world.
In creating your story about your loved one who died, try this: Make a list of things you appreciated about them. You may have admired their gentleness or their bold courage. Think of a trait that was annoying and see if you can figure out a way or a time that it was advantageous. For me with my late husband, it was that I always knew what he was thinking. He had strong opinions about most everything and everyone. This came across as harsh and critical most of the time. The plus side was that I knew what he believed and what was important to him. He was a man of strong convictions who would stand up for what he believed.
For some relationships, this may seem impossible to figure out what you could appreciate about them. In any relationship there are plenty of hurts, disappointments, and resentments. These hurts need a place to be heard and acknowledged. It is so important to heal these wounds. If you have no idea where to begin or you have so much anger or feelings of hopelessness, this is one of those times that seeking input from a professional makes sense. I can help you through services I provide or can help you connect with a professional in your area.
I am a health and happiness psychologist. I had an amazing opportunity to care for my late husband with dementia that brought everything into focus: love, purpose, healing, self-care, and living without regrets. You can read more of my story here.
Yes, I love comments and feedback from readers! Feel free to make a genuine connection with me. I love the personal contact of phone calls, so call me already :) Or email works well too. Find my contact information here.